Day 2 of this rain. I went as far as the wheely bin in the garden but never bothered to get dressed. Not much point putting on clean clothes to sit in the house.

Lots of flooding shown on social media. Feeling the loneliness today.

Nobody has made contact with me. I could try first contact with someone else, but I feel stuck for what to say without depressing them. Radiator downstairs is not heating up. It's constant repairs in this house. Can hear drips of rain come down the chimney. I am grateful for the reward for the extra I provided for this project. I only went and messed up wanting to spend it online.

I missed alerter out on my email. I filled in online form for help from love to shop and hope to hear soon.

I googled how to raise extra money. There are apps to do surveys and watch adverts for pennies. It's frustrating as I have no motivation. Feel spaced out and drowsy on these meds. Sitting waiting for HMRC to send a letter for tax credits to stop, to make a claim for U.C is anxiety provoking. Do they give you notice of a date?

Hi…

I want to start by saying that I’m managing, that I’m not broken, but, that I know I can’t keep things going as the situation stands, without significant impacts.

That’s what I want to speak about, the impact of poverty on my physical and mental health. How, if I track my life from 2019 to now, I can see just how messed up things have become.

It wouldn’t matter how much money I had right now in a way, the damage is done.

Poverty, slowly but steadily, removes your true voice. It takes away the strength to fight, to believe that we are worthy.

Over time, our friends have stopped asking us to attend events, stopped inviting us to places because we cannot afford to join them. Our circle has reduced so much and as a single parent to a child with additional needs, that has slowly destroyed my sense of self worth and my ability to get out and try to enjoy life.

My body ‘feels’ broken. I am experiencing a very difficult menopause and despite multiple attempts to garner healthcare support, I am unable to due to a family history of cancer. I’ve given up asking. So I just suffer and I don’t use that word lightly.

I can’t properly care for myself any longer, and that is so very sad to me. I gave up smoking and drinking alcohol, I tried to eat healthily but it’s so expensive now.

I recently had a minor accident and really hurt my foot. I absorbed the pain and carried on because there is only me to take care of things. I found out from my doctor when I could finally get in, that I have a suspected hairline fracture on my foot. I’ve just carried on, because although rationally I know I need to rest, realistically, I can’t. I can’t afford to get help to do jobs in my home and I have no one to help with my son.

I absorb the pain and I think well this is all you can do, but it makes me so so sad that I even matter so little to myself now.

I am not the person I was in September 2019. When I finally had help with my son, I had a part time job, I had possibilities and a bit of hope. I was building back up after difficult times and honestly thought we can do this, things will get better, they haven’t.

Recently, my stepfather died and the devastating effects of that have hit me hard. I come from a fractured family and have no support at all from them. They hid his death and I found out by accident. I cannot tell you how that felt and as I add that to the mountain of suffocating beliefs that I don’t deserve better, I know that getting out of this dark place has become something I just cannot see.

Whilst I keep telling myself you aren’t broken, the reality is a very different story…

I’m trying hard to keep the faith and I support others through voluntary work and a listening ear, so it isn’t over, yet.

I wanted so much more for my son, how sad that so much greed and apathy to the lives of people on low incomes has rendered any dreams that I had, void.

I do think that we have survived a lot, and maybe we can get through. But the crisis in the actual ‘cost’ of living this way is far from over for so many of us.

Council Houses are such a mixed bag. Like as far as housing options go, council is the safest and cheapest generally, there's better tenancy security and free repairs. But the quality of said housing, the damp I have in my new place, the mould that keeps coming back no matter how often I scrub it off. The electric shower is older than I am and many of my neighbours report complaints with theirs, including one who said hers electrocuted her! Which was when council finally replaced it. My toilet leaks, my shower sometimes randomly doesn't work and the damp (all council say about the damp is that I should wash the mould away with mould killer, like duh, and I can paint it myself if I want to, but I'm physically unable to do so, plus it's their responsibility not mine) is only a matter of time 'til it affects my asthma. But it's still better than the private market, so councils can get away with not giving us safe homes cos what else can we do about it but make the best.

I've got a friend who therorises that councils deliberately want low level support to "undesirable persons" so we can die quicker and they don't have to pay our benefits anymore. Some days I can really see what she means.

I'm also having to do my own research and data collection, which is exhausting and will cost me quite a bit when I go to the library next week to print it off, cos the NHS mental health services don't want to acknowledge my diagnosis (they say that they don't like to give people labels but that's bull, what they don't want is liability) but I can't access the right services for my care needs because they keep saying one thing and doing another. So I'm having to fight for the care needs I need. It's so depressing, makes me feel unworthy of basic care support needs.

On a bright note, a friend gifted me a disabled toilet key and it's so helpful, made a huge difference. It's often the little things that make a big difference.

It is been very hard to get new house sorted as needs lots of repairs and having 3 kids makes it hard to get done and still need pay carpet in front room stairs landing and son's room xx

I know it's not the end of the world, but my 20 year old tv has packed up. A lot of people would just expect you to go out and buy another, but times have changed over the last 20 years, I struggle to buy food and clothing for my family and myself, so a tv is out of the question, this got me thinking about what I would do if the fridge or cooker stopped working!

This week's return to freezing weather & snow showers has seen me trying to block up the cold breeze blowing through the letter box again.

I might be missing something here, but aside from fitting an external letter box or building a porch, you'd think by now there would be a better way to engineer doors so people didn't have wind chill circulating around their living rooms.

I don't know what is worse, the fact that I've become so obsessed with 'locating' drafts & heat loss or the fact that I'm constantly trying to 'block everything up' or is it learning to 'live with the drafts' when you're trying to heat your home?

I've had my first electric bill, since the price cap rose, I was fixed but that ended the 31st January.

My bill is shocking high, and this month tripled due to having building works, and the builders using power tools to take down walls, am not quite sure how I will pay it this month, and I am scared about having my account in debit

The additional payment is certainly very welcome in my household. It was unexpected as I hadn’t been aware of the exact time it was due and Sod’s Law my fridge broke so at least I had the funds to replace this necessary item.

As appreciative as I am of the extra money, I am aware more than ever of my “poverty status” by being entitled to this. It’s another reminder that I live month to month (pay day to pay day) and that there is a lot of anxiety around affording life. I’m unable to focus on long term and short term, it's frightening.

A different plumber arrived today to fix the leaking hot tap. An hour of looking for stopcock unsuccessfully and finally turned off the water from outside. There was a lot of flowery language coming from the bathroom. Plumber finally changed a washer. He knew who my landlord was, and rolled his eyes.

Woke up with a plumber at the door to fix the bath tap. I'm sure it's a quick job of replacing the washer. I forgot he was coming today.

He was abrupt and rude. Stomped about, looking for the stopcock and failed to find it.

He went away and said he would return by lunchtime. He has not.

Goodness knows how much hot water is wasted from the slow running tap. It's been running constantly for 5 days.

I'm paying nearly £700 a month for a 2 bed home with the oven not working and a running tap.

My landlord lives abroad and the letting agents are slow at answering emails.

I'm anxious to complain as my previous landlord turned aggressive. I keep paying my rent on time every month but I'm concerned for the energy bills.