I faced a massive sudden change in my life, the loss of my job. It was completely unexpected, brought about by pandemic restructuring. The change caused me trauma and left me with mental health illness.

The benefits system, Universal Credit application process, only added more stress to my complex situation/circumstances.

The system lacked empathy, compassion, respect and treated me with very little dignity. I was left me feeling like I was a burden, I had brought about the situation of unemployment.

My work history & tax contributions of 30 + years didn't mean anything. I felt a very deep sense of disloyalty and abandonment at my time of need. On top of losing my job, fighting to stay well I had to cope with having to survive financially by turning to my savings.

As it currently stands, I don’t have a huge amount of contact with the DWP, other than through my online journal. Anytime I have an issue I usually contact them via this method. I recently had an issue with rent payments being missing, which was incredibly nerve wracking as my landlord (a housing association) was calling me to chase the payment. I spoke to someone who didn’t appear sympathetic nor concerned, and their tone and manner on the phone was abrupt and accusatory. Eventually the missing payment was reinstated, but it left me feeling like I had done something wrong. I feel the DWP need to learn how to speak to people properly, to have some care and respect for the claimants they are talking to because most people are just trying to keep their families together and live as stress free as possible.

It’s absolutely awful. They speak down to you like they are better than you, treat you like nothing and expect you to be able to get a job really easy despite having no childcare, lack of jobs and having disabilities. Sometimes they remind you that people in wheelchairs can get a job so so can you.. you do everything they ask and it’s not enough! They’re not compassionate if you miss an appointment due to kids being unwell or your disability, they pressure you by saying they will stop your money. They send you last minute appointments at stupid hours like 8am, they cancel and don’t tell you. You get attitude and made to feel guilty that you can’t work full time or that you need a crisis grant. I’d sooner starve than apply for another one.

An apology to Bon Jovi!

🎶Stabbed through the heart

And you're to blame

Underwired bras

Are bad things!🎶

Nothing tells you more that you are skint and living in poverty than the fact that you're sat on the sofa mending your 3 bras that all went 'twang!' at the same time and because of your cleavage requirement, you need a specific size to fit well but you cannot afford to buy any more. All that whilst sitting in a cold house running at 13 degrees C whilst watching "The Handmaid's Tale" on Amazon Prime. Whilst we are not living in in the fictional country of Gilead, we might as well be as poverty disproportionately affect disabled lone female parents than any other groups. The only reason it could be worse would be if I didn't have the privilege of being educated, white and a fluent English-speaker. As a benefit claimant, I may get the disrespect, but at least I don't have to cope with hate and racism on top. For that I need to count my blessings.

How do you cope when your own family treat you like dirt?

When they say you are a benefit scrounger. You use and abuse the system?

Call you lazy and worthless?

They are never there to support you through the difficult times.

They kick you like a dog when you're down.

What do you do? When it hurts?