Summer is now approaching fast, which is good news as far as the need to keep warm without the worry of heating bills, however the cost of living is still increasing with food prices and other expenses rising sharply. Living on legacy benefits which do not increase each year means this summer will mean even more cutbacks and hardship to my already very simple and basic life.

Feeling fed up with living on tinned sardines, there’s no let up to this hell

I just scrolled through the media involvement this project has had and how far back it spans. Sometimes it feels so horrible to see how much talk there is around people's struggles but how little change there has been. And in reality the change that has occurred feels worse! Cutting the limited capability work benefit for new claimants, changing the pip process to make it harder to access for mental health disabilities, dentistry being privatised and unaffordable, no strategies on affordable housing that help in any way from this labour government, and so many think tanks and white papers and research projects and stats saying this is bad and that is in crisis...a crisis implies change is needed immediately. And immediate change has not been made in any aspects of the "support" systems for people living in poverty. The red tape and waiting times are the worst I've ever seen, it constantly feels like the help offered is just a website to read while no actual change happens.

Easter cheap veg is very useful. I have stocked up and having more veg did mean that I could ask my family to dinner, I am very grateful. However it was tricky finding veg that I could buy as several of the big supermarkets only made the offer of cheap Easter veg to loyalty card customers. Tesco club card, Morrisons More card, and Sainsburys nectar card. I don't have any of these cards which meant that the veg was normal prices for me. I wish that this aspect of food shopping was monitored. I don't think that you should have access to cheaper food because you have a card that gives them data about your shopping habits and spending in return. Sometimes the difference in price is huge, more than double the loyalty card price. This means that it might be tricky to shop at your local supermarket depending on what you have available. I have noticed that the increase in price difference in Tesco has become unmanagable. You can only really shop there if you have a club card as the non club card prices aren't even average but appear to be inflated so Tesco is like an actual club. I needed to buy tea bags once and I actually couldn't buy them as they were almost £7. This was not even the usual cost as in another shop the normal price was more like £3. I don't have loyalty cards from choice as I don't agree with the "soft surveillance" and getting targeted ads etc but some people are genuinely locked out of these schemes due to lack of digital access. I don't understand why this has not been regulated. It seems to be getter more widespread and harder. Customers are financially punished for not being a member. Tragically even Lidl have a loyalty card now.

This morning I have seen people who I know and love on elaborate long haul holidays. Even my own sister has asked me to care for her dog so they can go to Italy next week. People post stuff they they are buying to enjoy life, that are luxuries. I feel successful when I have bought food for dinner, paid the sky high private rent and still have access to the internet. Heating is tricky. I can't afford my heating oil-the minimum they will deliver is now over £700. I have been able to use logs from Home Bargains to heat the house a bit before bed time, but they have had none for a week. Apparently even the depot has none so they are not expecting any deliveries of logs. Maybe this is the oil/war crisis? My diesel for work is crazy expensive so unnecessary journeys have been cut. It is so hard to see posts of luxury stuff right now. Talking to people about what they are doing or buying is so hard. It seems and feels inappropriate. I wonder why people aren't able to read the room? I consider blocking/muting my best friend from school who is in Asia somewhere right now on one of their many holidays. I also see posts of supermarkets throwing food out into bins that are still in date, or tipping chemicals on the food so no one can steal it to eat it. I read that poverty data seems unchanged for 20 years or so but what has changed is how deep poverty is for those already in poverty. The change is to the type of poverty, its has got worse for some and being in work does not keep you out of poverty any more. Something has to change.

I wish there could be more support for people in mental health crisis.

Today I had someone question why we were getting “married” when we are still needing to be on UC. It made me furious. When it was tax credits, no one would have questioned it, but because I haven’t been well enough to work for many years and my partner is on a low income, we now get UC, and this horrible “benefit scrounger” narrative seems to be sealing into every conversation I have - be it as a personal attack or other people saying how angry it makes them being on the receiving end of it too. It makes me feel so angry and vulnerable, that people judge me because we need additional financial assistance because disability is expensive and none of that is my fault. I have tried part time work several times and burnt myself out so badly that I’ve ended up in hospital due to my physical symptoms flaring up. But people outside of immediate family don’t see me when I have a bad day. It’s a very selective view they get and whilst I might have a degree, it’s of very little use and I can’t be relied upon- which is what every employer needs.

I’m sick and tired of having to justify my existence. I’m sick and tired of being told my family shouldn’t be allowed to have anything nice because we require UC to survive. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired and there never being any respite.

About the SEND white paper reform. Yes many families are forced into poverty due to challenges that surround SEND needs. Poverty impacts educational outcomes for many minority groups. I am becoming familiar with the content of the paper but is this a dog whistle in the document?!-"We will not tolerate the blind eye that has been turned to the underperformance of white working-class children" I am stunned!!! No one really wants to talk about class anymore but it is mentioned in this paper. Who are white working class children? Do they mean children in poverty? If they spoke about children in poverty rather than white working class surely that would better describe the problem and refocus on a different cause?

Where we live the council have just decided to make some free carparks no longer free. They had a consultation about several in the county and tragically the one near us that we use often is now going to have a parking metre. It looks to me as if the parking in more affluent areas will not get parking metres but this car park is right in the middle of some of the most deprived communities in the country and on a trail that people use for walking and cycling or taking their kids out on scooters. It's a route to work for some and parents use it to drop kids at the local school. Now this community who are already struggling will have pointless extra charges added to their daily lives. Is this an example of the poverty premium? Areas that are more wealthy have no charges whilst a car park literally sandwiched between two housing estates get charges. It can feel like people on low incomes are under attack from all sides. There does not even seem to be the veneer of support anymore. It feels brazen.

Went to appt at Citizens Advice that I have waited 7 weeks for. The appt date and time has been changed 3 times due to more urgent clients in need. The lady asked if had seen the email that was sent first thing this morning. The appt was changed to Thursday due to staff sickness. There is not enough support when needed in this area for people on low incomes

Been a tiring few weeks, my partner is unwell dealing with schizophrenia being worsened by a brain tumour. What scares me is the lack of support he receives, due to his condition it can make him very hard to engage with. And I am unable to voice my thoughts, I’ve been trying to contact his cpn for months now but no way of doing this. It’s sad that in this day and age someone who has asked to go in to hospital after months of constant voices and seeing things, would be turned away due to lack of beds. He isn't sleeping, eating and is so terrified by the outside world. He's almost unrecognisable. I wish there was more support for people supporting loved ones through this kind of thing, I feel like I can’t help. And his background as a child that went through social work and foster care, isn't considered either, this man has no one in this world except for me. I lose more and more faith in nhs. This person deserves care and support, something he has never received, he was completely and still is failed by the system. We are only turning 30, we should be enjoying life, but both of us are stuck after being failed early on in life. He was a very skilled bricklayer who has worked since he was old enough, and now he can’t leave the house. I’m almost 5 years out of work due to my mental health and circumstances, I’ve never had anyone truly help and I’ve been seeking help for years.

Took our little one at an OT appointment today. They said that we need to buy her a bike. Along with the chewlry, the specialist clothes, the specific foods, sensory items, petrol cost for taking her to the alternative provision, medical appointments, the iPad for her to use the AAC app (because the NHS won’t pay as she’s only selectively non-verbal) not to mention the costs associated with going to tribunal for her EHCP. A bike is an added expense we really can’t and shouldn’t have to cover for her to be able to practice certain motor skills.